This is the first game I will mention for two reasons; it will be the oldest game you will read of on these pages as far as I can see, and yet strangely it is the last game I have played to feature swordsmanship at the time of my writing this. The cleverness of this review's placement may be the sole redeeming quality of it, just warning you.

I was not old enough to exist when this game could be found in an arcade more attended than a break-room at some Japanese car plant. But, even in its prime I assume - or more correctly hope - that some other game was more popular than this at the time. Though after a quick perusal of the mame '80s index, I may be selling this Sega-made samurai simulator short. At least the thing's in colour. Also, seeing as how mocking the primitiveness of old video games is only surpassed in lameness by pointing out to people how an internet in-joke has gotten old, I will at least try to stick to mocking game mechanics. But, I can make no promises.

Telling of Samurai's arcade era, the game has no real story behind it. Nothing tells us what its - for the most part - single coloured sprites are supposed to represent other than the crude images of feudal vassals that cover its cabinet. But if you're a real gamer and a fan of sword fighting or samurai, then you will quickly accept control of the red blob that is your brave but sun burnt Japanese warrior. The game is cute, and very playable on your windows desktop for its age. Your samurai seems quite sure of his martial skills for he is always reluctant to follow your joystick commands, but the action is very jerky and your foes slow to capitalize on any hesitation your swordsman makes to act, so it's really not that frustrating.

The main enemies you face in each level are pitiful, jutta wielding men in blue. Their AI is random as far as I can tell. The first time you are killed by one of them will depend on how long it takes before your curiosity gets the better of you and you just have to see if you really will die if you run straight into one of them. But as you clear level after level, the game will introduce much more lethal opponents. Unkillable, cyan coloured ninja will impede your slaughter of their yellow headed allies with annoying ninja star barrages and slow entangling rope weapons in later stages. Follow bushido by avoiding these formidable opponents as you murder the easier enemies on screen and you will make it to the boss character of each level. The final battle is always the same. A cyan wearing samurai who is obviously a fan of your sprite will engage you one on one in a duel. This part of each stage is probably the most engaging and entertaining. It is also the most kendo-like experience in the game and so this is where Samurai is really under my full reviewing attention.

Like in the rest of the game, you can take one of three stances during this duel, each allowing for a different strike. Though the control system for changing stances is awkward and you must make a strike with the previous stance to proceed to the next, this is still a good attempt to model true Japanese swordsmanship for such an old game. Also, if your pallet-swapped doppelganger is holding an appropriate kamai(stance) when you attempt to strike at him, your attack will be fended off harmlessly. This illustrates well the basic kendo concept of the defensive strength of the elementary chudan kamai. It's obvious that the programmer who sat at his terminal in a Sega office all day to program Samurai, was either a kendoka or had at least seen some kenjutsu before or skimmed through a book on the subject during the testing phase of development. I give this game a men, a kote, but not a do. Samurai is a valiant stab at replicating Japanese swordplay with the hardware at it's disposal. It's poor movement control even reminds my own lousy footwork on the dojo floor. However, I cannot say my search for virtual kendo is at an end upon playing this game. My quest must continue.