Game Failers | ||||||||||||||||
August 20 2008I didn't think I'd have the ammunition for an other Game Failers update so quickly, but then a new trailer for Replay Studios' Velvet Assassin was released on the keyboard abusing masses and I found myself swimming in fail. Looking at it carefully though, as the game failer expert that I am, it's really not surprising why this game generates so many failers. For starters, it's a World War 2 game and failers hate those like they hate proper letter capitalization. In addition to this offence, it is also a stealth action game and so with gamers' copies of MGS4 still cooling in their PS3 drives, the opportunity for failers to wrongly accuse the game of being a rip off are high. But first I present some of the other failers I found this week.
Bionic Commando Rearmed
I thought I'd post this one just in case you were starting to think that all the comments I post are from 13-year-olds or something. Well, this guy is mother fucking 27 and Bionic Commando's broken English made him the articulate man he is today.
Mirror's Edge
I like how this comment proves two interesting things about Game Trailer's users. Firstly, they can tell whether a game is being played on a PC or a console just by looking at a game play video. Secondly, it also proves that it is apparenly faster to make a retraction of a previous comment in parenthesis than to just erase and rewrite what was inaccurate.
Velvet Assassin
I always thought that Resistance was about the French resistance movement in Europe against Nazi Germany during WW2, but I haven't actually played the game. Apparently it's the best WW2 Nazi era game to ever not feature WW2 or Nazis.
Yeah, British people really need to cut that shit out.
Wow, I guess this guy didn't dig the British accent so much he completely forgot about it.
Look, everyone knows that highly accurate rifles become less and less effective the closer someone gets to you. At 10 feet, you might as well just throw the gun at them really.
I don't understand, is he telling the developers they can stop or something? "Alright guys, it looks okay right about... NOW." Oh, and by the way, did you see what I did there? It's called using an ellipse in a way that is at all necessary and not completely retarded. I haven't actually commented on this much, but if you've been reading these failers since the first one, you've probably noticed by now that for some reason Game Failers fucking love using ellipses. It's interesting because they never use them for what they are intended for; to denote a meaningful or necessary prolonged pause or to represent the omission of words when context makes them unnecessary. No, for some reason they are just used as some sort of all purpose punctuation substitute all the time. Thanks Game Failer, but I don't actually need to know that it took you a couple minutes to think of the next thing you were going to say about Velvet Assassin. No one needs to know that in addition to you having nothing interesting to say about The Force Unleashed or Street Fighter 4, it also took you a few seconds to come up with each vapid or confusing 3 letter sentence fragment that you eventually managed to come up with. Even if you actually have narcolepsy... and talking to you is really like this... Please... stop... One of the marvels of writing rather than speaking is that you don't have to come up with everything you are going to say all at once and yet people can read what you have to say afterwards as one coherent composition with no pauses in it. Seriously, count the amount of ellipses in the rest of the failers today. I bet there are over ten and none of them will make any sense or be necessary in any way.
Sorry, 1940s, but you had no badasses. All you had were guys who ran up beaches dodging machinegun fire and who rode around in tanks and airplanes blowing the shit out of each other.
Again, terrible British accent on that clearly American character. But seriously, when did the Nazis ever fight Russians?
Oh, so that's how you talk, you have to think first! I wonder if writing is similar in this respect.
Ten, eleven, and that's twelve. Twelve ellipses so far and there's still one more failer to go. I swear I did not edit any of these nor did I choose ones that had tons of ellipses in them on purpose. I honestly had all of these lined up already and I didn't read all of these before I made that bet other than when I originally found them. Wow, Game Failers love to pause and hate commas. It's either that or they’re just out of breath all the time.
Well, stand closer next time then. Oh, but instead of the rest of the words that would have made that a complete thought that meant anything, he has instead given us an other ellipsis for the road! Thanks Marcatch.
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-Fake_Kraid (roomforadventure-at-gmail.com)  |